I was told that God allows things to happen, it may not be His will... He just allows Satan to confuse our mind and get us somehow blind towards the will of God.
And with this thought in my mind, I always tend to relate this to the guy I liked lately. I thought he was for me…. Bu that’s not all to it, I am somehow bothered… something is pinching my heart that tells me to take the board exam. Frantically… I want to take it, but circumstances seem to be blocking my way. If I miss this October exam, I have another year to wait but at least I have time to prepare.
And also my recently ended job. I feel like I never really worked for three months, though it consumed much of my time and had made me tired everyday. I felt that the three-months job caused much distraction to my goal. So here I am, I feel like I'm back to square two at least--- in finding a clear direction for my life.
Last Sunday, Pastor M.R. talked to me regarding my “application” as a Sunday School teacher for the Kid’s Department. I never get to say anything that, “would approve him”, I don’t know, or impress on him that I am very much willing. I just don’t know how to put into words how my heart ached when I thought I was compelled to choose between the music ministry and the kid’s department. I never get to say anything to him, except my willingness to be trained as a Sunday School Teacher, and my willingness to follow the church system that I have to finish certain sets of lessons. I remember, technically, I am not an FBC member. In my mind I was just smiling on that fact. I know also that Pastor M.R. was not that shallow to make my membership a big deal in my willingness to serve God. I’m glad he made it a point that he is grateful for my willingness to help in God’s work here on earth. In my heart, I thought, isn’t it our duty to be God’s agents? Pastor Mhan knows that.
Next Sunday, I will be presented to the Pastoral Staff. Well, I don’t know what’s going to happen, or what decision will they come up to. Whether they want me to finish the lessons or not, it doesn’t matter, I know where I want to be placed so far. Though I don’t know the reasons, I am willing to find out why God is giving me the heart for the Kid’s ministry.
I don't know where God will place me, what matters is that I know that I am called. I'll just wait and be aware how God would lay those paths before me.
Someday, I'll know my exact calling.
22.8.07
2.8.07
177: Instant Soldier
Instant Soldier: (071107)
Last Monday, I watched the movie Transformers at Gateway with ADS after having the FBC tarpaulin printed out. It was really a cool movie worth watching in a cinema. But despite the cool story, animation and total rendition of the movie, one dialogue line struck me.
“YOU’RE AN INSTANT SOLDIER!”
Said one of the Autobots to Sam, the cute guy with low self-asteem just like me.
I just remembered I’m one certified soldier who had been battling the struggles in life and as a Christian.
I’m a Christian - - - I shouldn’t be surprised by these battles I’ve been having lately.
Starting from this heart pain, that’s been ripping my heart. I’m sure my ‘imaginary pren’ had been suffering the same. I’ve been having heart attacks, though I’ve been hiding and denying it to myself. I don’t know why I have been hurt this bad by someone whom I never had. It’s hard to let go of something you never even called yours.
So, I had drowned myself with too much work, just like what I did when my ex-Bf and I broke up. Oh yes, I do cry this out to God, but still, I’ve been really doing it my own way again. I guess I have never learned that much. I thought I could forget this pain in my old-fashioned way of “get-busy” mode.
Okay, I know that plan is flunking and I’m only abusing myself over some stuffs that I know won’t last. So there, I’m back to really praying and asking God to take this heart pain. Period. That’s it! I still wait for God’s plan for me.
Aside from these so-called heart attacks, I’ve been crying a lot about my problem over this “no legal name” issue which been crippling me from forwarding into any career path I wish to seriously take. Geez! I’m turning 24 years old this year and I haven’t been going anywhere at all. I envy my colleagues who will be taking the board exam this year. While here I am, still can’t move though I’m so dead serious in wanting to take the board exam. I mean, I don’t intend to be an Interior Designer as a profession, but at least I can say to myself that the fruit of my four-year study would not be in vain – technically that is. Arrhggh!
And then - - - it’s my family. I miss them.
Now about the Sacred Agent Site, (where Watcher left me), I’ll finish my mission there. I will. I will. I WILL!
So there, those are the grunts of Sacred Agent Art. Until that tagline came into my life.
“YOU’RE AN INSTANT SOLDIER!”
Have you forgotten it Art? A tap in the back from that movie, another moment to realize things.
I wonder, how many times will God have to send me a loadful of reminders that I should focus on Him. It’s hard being a Christian…
Sacred Agent Art is assigned here
The Battleground I am assigned to fight
And I will never leave my stand
Until I finish my duty
Until the battle is won
Last Monday, I watched the movie Transformers at Gateway with ADS after having the FBC tarpaulin printed out. It was really a cool movie worth watching in a cinema. But despite the cool story, animation and total rendition of the movie, one dialogue line struck me.
“YOU’RE AN INSTANT SOLDIER!”
Said one of the Autobots to Sam, the cute guy with low self-asteem just like me.
I just remembered I’m one certified soldier who had been battling the struggles in life and as a Christian.
I’m a Christian - - - I shouldn’t be surprised by these battles I’ve been having lately.
Starting from this heart pain, that’s been ripping my heart. I’m sure my ‘imaginary pren’ had been suffering the same. I’ve been having heart attacks, though I’ve been hiding and denying it to myself. I don’t know why I have been hurt this bad by someone whom I never had. It’s hard to let go of something you never even called yours.
So, I had drowned myself with too much work, just like what I did when my ex-Bf and I broke up. Oh yes, I do cry this out to God, but still, I’ve been really doing it my own way again. I guess I have never learned that much. I thought I could forget this pain in my old-fashioned way of “get-busy” mode.
Okay, I know that plan is flunking and I’m only abusing myself over some stuffs that I know won’t last. So there, I’m back to really praying and asking God to take this heart pain. Period. That’s it! I still wait for God’s plan for me.
Aside from these so-called heart attacks, I’ve been crying a lot about my problem over this “no legal name” issue which been crippling me from forwarding into any career path I wish to seriously take. Geez! I’m turning 24 years old this year and I haven’t been going anywhere at all. I envy my colleagues who will be taking the board exam this year. While here I am, still can’t move though I’m so dead serious in wanting to take the board exam. I mean, I don’t intend to be an Interior Designer as a profession, but at least I can say to myself that the fruit of my four-year study would not be in vain – technically that is. Arrhggh!
And then - - - it’s my family. I miss them.
Now about the Sacred Agent Site, (where Watcher left me), I’ll finish my mission there. I will. I will. I WILL!
So there, those are the grunts of Sacred Agent Art. Until that tagline came into my life.
“YOU’RE AN INSTANT SOLDIER!”
Have you forgotten it Art? A tap in the back from that movie, another moment to realize things.
I wonder, how many times will God have to send me a loadful of reminders that I should focus on Him. It’s hard being a Christian…
Sacred Agent Art is assigned here
The Battleground I am assigned to fight
And I will never leave my stand
Until I finish my duty
Until the battle is won
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
