178: The Calling???

I was told that God allows things to happen, it may not be His will... He just allows Satan to confuse our mind and get us somehow blind towards the will of God.

And with this thought in my mind, I always tend to relate this to the guy I liked lately. I thought he was for me…. Bu that’s not all to it, I am somehow bothered… something is pinching my heart that tells me to take the board exam. Frantically… I want to take it, but circumstances seem to be blocking my way. If I miss this October exam, I have another year to wait but at least I have time to prepare.

And also my recently ended job. I feel like I never really worked for three months, though it consumed much of my time and had made me tired everyday. I felt that the three-months job caused much distraction to my goal. So here I am, I feel like I'm back to square two at least--- in finding a clear direction for my life.

Last Sunday, Pastor M.R. talked to me regarding my “application” as a Sunday School teacher for the Kid’s Department. I never get to say anything that, “would approve him”, I don’t know, or impress on him that I am very much willing. I just don’t know how to put into words how my heart ached when I thought I was compelled to choose between the music ministry and the kid’s department. I never get to say anything to him, except my willingness to be trained as a Sunday School Teacher, and my willingness to follow the church system that I have to finish certain sets of lessons. I remember, technically, I am not an FBC member. In my mind I was just smiling on that fact. I know also that Pastor M.R. was not that shallow to make my membership a big deal in my willingness to serve God. I’m glad he made it a point that he is grateful for my willingness to help in God’s work here on earth. In my heart, I thought, isn’t it our duty to be God’s agents? Pastor Mhan knows that.

Next Sunday, I will be presented to the Pastoral Staff. Well, I don’t know what’s going to happen, or what decision will they come up to. Whether they want me to finish the lessons or not, it doesn’t matter, I know where I want to be placed so far. Though I don’t know the reasons, I am willing to find out why God is giving me the heart for the Kid’s ministry.

I don't know where God will place me, what matters is that I know that I am called. I'll just wait and be aware how God would lay those paths before me.

Someday, I'll know my exact calling.