“When God takes away something from your grasp, He is not punishing you, but
merely emptying your hand for you to receive something better.”
Last week, my phone was broken. First, it lost all my contacts, totally erased from the phone’s memory without backup. It is fine by me; I can still use the phone. The next night, it finally crashed and won’t open up properly. It just keeps on hanging up. So the day after that, I was phone-less. I admit it’s quite refreshing having no one to bother you through SMS communication, and no phone calls from work people.
My phone was full of information of how my year was; from the calendar with full of notes and reminders, message folders with messages as old as year 2004, and phone contact details and photos since year 2005. Most are files that I don’t have the heart to delete because of ‘sentimental’ values; reminders of past events that serves no contribution for the present but just plain memento.
My cell phone is the only way most people can contact me, and right then, I badly need a cell phone due to work duties and other responsibilities. So as soon as I had the time, I went to the nearest phone repair shop.
The repairman said, my phone needs to be formatted, meaning it would erase everything inside the phone’s memory. Though I was having resentments, I had no choice. I thought those files that I kept, gone forever.
When I had my phone back, it’s empty. Everything is back to default setting. Quite cool actually, it looked so clean and plain. It’s a nice way to store up memories again, segregate which are worth keeping. Most probably because of the phone’s old age, it has been malfunctioning for the past months. I thought it was the sim’s problem that’s why it’s one of the reasons I decided to change sim card last year.
And, additional to that, I get to have noticed other phone features that were once deleted from the phone once - Old features that seems new to me.
Crossed my mind lately…
At times, I hate the situation when I tend to be forgetful…
One example is the time before I had an accident. Back then I was a smart, intelligent woman. Without much effort I could easily understand something. Design conceptualization was actually an easy task for me. I like designing complicated structures that are aesthetical and multifunctional as well. In short, I had an edge, whether it is a minor or major subject, creative or intellectual. Putting aside of being a show-off, I was really knowledgeable back then, but a quiet one, because I do not really like showing off what I can do, and I also hate competing skills with others. And yeah, when I was in college, I study for the plain reason of being in college as society requires it. As I have said on one of my earlier posts, I focused more on having friends when I was in college. So there, without much effort on really studying, I was able to make it through college. (Isn’t God so nice?)
When I had the accident, about a month before my thesis submission, everything turned upside down. I was really stupid due to the trauma caused to my brain. If I could remember it right, I was having nauseas just for reading. But I was determined that time to finish school, so despite the fact that I barely remember my interior design course, I still pursued to finish my thesis. And I really thank God for that.
And when I got my fist job, I was still the dim-witted, amnesiac girl. (forgetful, slow learner, etc.) I was so disappointed with myself. I find my brain a near empty one.
And it gets ‘emptier’ as days goes by… thus finding myself ‘useless’.
Anyways, now I understand why God had allowed me to be empty-headed. Maybe, if up to now I am still that scholarly girl, I will still be the proud Art who wouldn’t dare to ask for anyone’s help. My mind would be full of selfish ‘I’ and ‘me’.
It wouldn’t lead me to SEARCHING FOR WHAT REALLY MATTERS IN LIFE. Perhaps, I would be still the skillful Art without a sense of purpose. Anybody can be skillful, but do they actually find their lives living of value, of worth? I should know I once was a skillful one, jack of all trades as they say it, but still, back then I find my work futile.
And aside from that, if I still have those loads of information in my head, I wouldn’t have enough space to store up the lessons that I’ve been learning right now from God; great life lessons that are usually overlooked.
And, yeah, one more thing, if I still have that braniac mind, most likely, I would depend on my own skills rather than depend on God.
So there, despite of those unwanted events in my life and this ‘stupidity’, I am grateful God had allowed me to be broken so He can fix me.
And also, I remember the preaching last Sunday. Acts 20: 19 – “Serving the Lord with all HUMILITY in MIND…” Pastor M.R. said, our minds should be emptied for God. Possibly, cleaning up our minds, trashing away the junks so that there will be enough space for brand new and Godly ones that Jesus left in our hearts.
I remember the poem I wrote, The Basket. Jesus cleansed our hearts and left the fruits of the Holy Spirit to help us. I pray that the fruits will grow in me.
Honestly, when I look back at that poem, though I did some research, I still wonder what enabled me to write that poem. Hmm, maybe the Holy Spirit was operating in me. Cool.
01.29.07
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